366 Days.

Hello, World.

I am back.

Before I explain why I've been away for so long, let me just say: IT'S BEEN ONE YEAR SINCE I STARTED BLOGGING! I'm so glad I've come this far (even though my posts went from regular to once a month to literally never LOL.). And of course, I'm so glad that all of you have been here to read my posts and support my blog! Thank you! I'm amazed at how time flies and I'm so glad I took this on. Thank you all for being here through it :)

Now coming to why I haven't posted in ages. I just got into Grade 10, and we have our board exams coming up in May with a HUGE syllabus, so I've been trying to get more serious about work and just focus a bit more on my academics. Aside from that, I've not been feeling myself lately and I'm struggling to stay motivated to do anything, including socialize and talk to people. Being caught up with myself and my priorities, blogging sort of slipped my mind as I tried to bring myself back on track, emotionally and academically.

Well,  again - ONE YEAR, huh? That's a long time! I can't believe it's been a whole year of blog posts - it literally seems like just yesterday that I opened up Blogger and decided to type out something completely random. Sadly, on this day I bring to you some bad news - I may not be using this blog as much anymore. Why? One, the priorities, two, because I've just found a different platform where I feel like I can express myself better because I've already established a theme that I think I'll be able to keep up.

I'm sorry I'm leaving like this, but I may come back here from time to time. However, if you would like to follow my other writings, I urge you all to follow my blogs on Tumblr:
The Fangirl Life (in honour!)
The Darkness (sad stuff LOL)

Thank you so much for being with me through this journey - as sad as I am to let this go, I'm glad I took it on in the first place. See you someday :)

Little Miss Imperfect
X

Online Friends.

Hello World! 

Today I am going to talk about online friends and why I want to but can't make them. 

Well, I know some of my friends who are friends with people online and talk to people online. And that always kind of seemed really cool to me, for some reason. I was always like "whoa, imagine talking to someone you've never seen before in a different country!"

Some of you that may follow my fan account on Instagram, @samilyxteamkurt, may know that aside from the normal meme pages, celebrities, and a few of my friends, I follow loads of random people from the #Samily and #TeamKurt. Some of them make good edits, some of them are highly popular members, and some of them I just came upon and was like "why not follow?" 

So recently two of these lovely people have DMed me and been friendly and nice. And obviously, this is the internet, so you don't begin a conversation by fangirling, you ask things like "what's your name?" "what country are you from?" and "how old are you?". 

But all the while I was using the internet as a kid, my parents were all cyber safety and netiquettes around me - "don't give out your password!" "don't put any details online!" "don't tell ANYONE your age!" "don't tell anyone where you live!" "don't talk to random people on the internet!" so on and so forth. I was told that the implications of doing these things would be fatal, and hence my tiny 9-year-old self got scared and was like, "yes mommy, I'm only using the Internet to play Barbie games!"
To this day, my parents are even more paranoid about that stuff with all the news going around. They don't even let me post pictures of my face on Instagram. 

I was being nice, so I very kindly and subtly gave the information to these people who seem genuinely nice and sweet. And of course I didn't want to be like "oh my parents are paranoid about this stuff and somehow so am I so can we not talk KBYEEE" because, who am I kidding, that's just awkward. 

But at the same time, I also find it kind of cool to have online friends and talk to people online. I feel like that is partly what the internet was made for - making the world smaller, helping just any two random people bond over their fandoms or any other thing that they have in common. That's exactly what I thought of while making this blog. I was like, "hey, I have a forum to express myself, and there may just be people who find that they are just like me and talk to me and maybe I'll make friends!" (not that any of that has happened yet, but I still dream on.) 

It is amazing talking to these new people and I would like to continue. However, due to my mom's guidance about being on the internet, I have been taught that they may be hackers and that I may be in danger. But I will continue to make friends because I'm a "dangerous woman" ;) *loses all readers in one post*.

Thank you for reading! 

Little Miss Imperfect

X 

A Fangirl in London.

Hello, World!
Today's post will be very long and (finally) INTERESTING!!! Yayy! Clap and cheer everyone!!

So for this summer vacation, my parents finally decided we could go abroad instead of just roaming around inside of India, where I live. And not just abroad like in Asia, but to Europe! For the first time ever! (Yes, I am poor.)

And since I was going to London, I was extremely excited as I would be going to Warner Brothers' Studios, also known as Harry Potter World, the Sherlock Holmes Museum at 221B Baker Street and (possibly) famous landmarks from the Infernal Devices. (see the title of this post.)

I'm not going to talk in detail about the individual sights we saw in London, but I'm going to skip to the day we went to Harry Potter World because it was SURREAL. (If you're planning on going there and want it to be a surprise, I suggest you don't read this. It contains MAJOR spoilers.)

13 Reasons Why and Suicide.

Hello, World!
Guess who finally found something concrete to write about?

That's right - me!

(The following text may contain spoilers. If you live under a heavier rock than me and haven't watched/haven't finished watching the show, read the following text at your own risk.)

So I recently finished the series 13 Reasons Why (yes, I'm late, I know, I just take ages to watch a show). I have extremely mixed feelings about this series. As a show, gripping, interesting and you couldn't stop watching. An interesting concept to keep the viewers hooked on. I definitely couldn't stop watching, it was addictive and overall, plot-wise, it was a great story.

But there were so many things that just didn't make sense at all, or that were just plain wrong. One, this show seemed to slightly romanticize suicide - making it seem like "hey, guys, look, my life sucks and I don't seem to think it's getting better in the foreseeable future, how about I just kill myself and escape it!" Sure, Hannah was wronged, in many ways, but it's not like she didn't have outlets - for example, she had amazing parents who would definitely have been willing to do anything for her, including move away and start over.

Two, graphic scenes. Some of the scenes were so graphic it wasn't even necessary to put them there in the first place. The rape scenes, though not shown completely, and, of course, Hannah slitting her wrists. Both were gory and kind of scary (maybe I'm just soft-hearted, but really.). Really have no idea why they were there.

Three, why was Clay blamed? I completely understand that Clay was the main character and without him the whole show wouldn't even exist, but seriously? I don't know what I was expecting out of Tape 11, but I guess it definitely wasn't that Clay was blamed because he - left? After Hannah literally abused at him and told him to leave? I don't see how he was wrong in literally just doing what she wanted him to. Maybe it was her own guilt, but I don't feel like Clay should've been blamed for that.

Aside from my stupid questions about the show that everyone else definitely didn't have, I feel like suicide should really never be an option. Maybe I'm really not one to talk, because I wouldn't know or understand. But what I do want to assure you guys is that if things do get that bad, then please, don't keep it to yourself, share it with someone, anyone, who you think you can trust. They don't have to be a counselor or a therapist - just someone you trust, like your mom or dad or friend or teacher. Maybe you're scared they'll judge you or get angry - but if they love you and care for you, and would literally do anything to see you happy, then none of that will happen.If you don't want them to worry about you, you can't control that. Even if you don't talk to them, they're looking out for you because they love you and want the best for you. Please know that someone will always be there for you, and even if you don't feel like they are, someone does care about you. I may not be some qualified psychiatrist or psychologist, but if anyone does need help, I will try to be available and help out as much as possible.

If anything, watching this show taught me that not fighting back, not talking, and just bearing pain that's gone way past your breaking point is never the way to go about anything, and would, eventually, end up leading to disaster.

Little Miss Imperfect
X

P.S: Heyyy! Sorry for this extremely depressing, sad, and serious post. I just thought it was necessary to put up something about this show, since it's been so controversial and so widely spoken about. Please do know that anything I may have said here is PURELY my opinion, and I did not wish to offend or hurt anyone through this post. I hope it helped many of you, thanks for reading :)

Not Really A Post.

Hello, World.

It's me!

.....Mario!


Sorry.

I'm sorry I haven't posted in so long. This is not really a post, it's just an update explaining why I didn't post and won't be doing so for a while. I wasn't planning on posting until I could actually find time, but I still did. More on that later.

There are various reasons I haven't posted. Part of it was just life - I have exams in two weeks, so I've been studying quite a bit. Most of it was just that something has been quite off for the last month or so. I haven't been as happy as I usually was, I've felt unwanted and invisible, little things have started making me extremely insecure and angry, and just a general sort of sadness would kick in at random times. Hey, I'm still trying to figure it out myself.

Why didn't I talk about it here, you ask? Well, because as I went through my posts on this blog, I saw that most of them were happy and bright. I didn't want to change the theme of this blog - like this ain't Instagram, you can't just put in three blank pictures like "THEME CHANGE!!!!!!"

Buuuut it did lead to some new beginnings, for example, I've started writing my own songs! I will post them on here later, once I'm more comfortable showing them to the whole internet.

Now for the second part of this post...why I came back in the middle of my study time (I'm supposed to be looking at literature right now. I'm an idiot.).

Well, so today I opened up my blog again and I was like, "hey, I haven't checked how many page-views I've got in ages! Let me check!" And well, here is what my audience looked like in the past month:

I was like, "WHAAAA???" There are more people viewing my blog in Russia than in where I live right now and that is genuinely amazing. People in South Africa are viewing my blog, and god even knows why. I have no idea where 'Czechia' is, but there is one lovely viewer over there too (I'm sorry, I don't know why I chose IGCSE Geography either.). HOLA MI AMIGO/A ESPANOL/A!!!! COMO ESTAS???? Sorry this is like my basic Spanish okay I'm good at Spanish but I can't make conversation lol adios muchas gracias por leer :)))) (and also my keyboard doesn't support accents soooo....sorry....) Also Ukrainians, y'all are pretty bored, man, thanks for reading.

Honestly, I don't even know if any of you actually read my posts or like stare at my amazing theme, but whatever interests you on here, I love each of you and you never fail to make my day and make me feel loved, I now feel so much better all thanks to you nice lovely people who are just little, bored unicorns. :)) 

Thank you for making my day and helping this random weird sadness monster thingy BACK OFF FOR A BIT. Like, really. Y'all are real nice okay thenk you thenk you

Little Miss Imperfect

XX

This Is Dysfunctional.

Hello World.

I am back.

Did you miss me?


(Yes I know it's getting old, but will that stop me from making that reference? HELL NO.)


So I have this weird problem...I really WANT to write a post, I've been wanting to in a while, but I obviously have no idea what to write about. Now you'll ask, wait then, why did you even start a blog if you have no idea what to write? Trust me, I don't know either. But all I can say is, I suspected this would happen - I'd write for a while, then I'd end up just leaving it and posting once in five months.

I must say that this is extremely pointless, as I never write about anything of consequence, I either fangirl on this blog or I just make random posts for festivals and NO THAT IS NOT THE POINT OF A BLOG.

I have absolutely nothing more to do with this blog. It is pointless. I am really writing plain s*** on this blog, it makes no sense and this endeavour is going nowhere. I have barely any readers anyway, and this is just ueffiujdsfjis.....It just is senseless. I am sorry guys, but this is dysfunctional.

I bid you goodbye, my friends, I shall miss you and this blog. Thank you for reading :))

Little Miss Imperfect
X













































OH MY GOD. DID YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD END THIS BLOG????? NO WAY!! YES, IT IS PROVING SLIGHTLY DYSFUNCTIONAL AND IT IS NOTHING OF CONSEQUENCE. BUT EH! WHY SHOULD THAT STOP ME FROM SHITPOSTING AND DOING WHAT I WANT???


I KNOW WE'RE LATE INTO APRIL, GUYS, BUT HAPPY APRIL FOOLS!!


Okay, if you didn't fall for that, I'm sorry, I'm a terrible prankster. But this is the best I could do for my amazing idea-less brain. I sometimes wonder if I even have a brain up there.

Never leaving you all, you've got a monthly subscription of annoying puns and fangirling if you're here. Thanks for reading, y'all. Love you :))) <3

Divide by Ed Sheeran.

Hello, World.

Cue all my friends sighing as they open up this post, as this album is all I have been talking about the past three days, and they all clearly want to murder me for ranting more about this.

Therefore, as all my friends close this tab on their browser screens, I prepare myself to receive almost no pageviews for this post at all. Now, if you're still here, do enjoy my hysterical review of Ed Sheeran's Divide.

Okay, one word: AMAZING. ABSOLUTELY AMAZING.

This album helped me to join the Ed Sheeran fandom, and really, I do think I've been missing out so much on life because this album makes me so happy, I can't even. I think Ed is the only person who can 'just walk out for a year, then come back with a new album and shake the whole music industry' - in the words of Sara.

I listened to the whole album at like 10 in the night the day it released. I looked like I desperately required mental assistance, the way I was dancing and crying and fangirling in general. OH MY GOD. We all know Shape of You and Castle on the Hill, but the range of songs in this album are mind-blowing. Along with those beautiful love songs that I'd love to slow-dance to (Perfect, How Would You Feel, etc), there are songs from every possible genre that literally let you travel the world. I'm talking Nancy Mulligan with the Irish jig-y sound, Bibia Be Ye Ye with the African beats and Barcelona, which helps me feel like an excelling Spanish student because I understand everything he says in Spanish (yay!!).

And can we just talk about New Man for a second? THAT IS THE SASSIEST, MOST AMAZING SONG EVER. THE LYRICS HAVE ME SITTING LIKE RIHANNA IN THE 'SAVAGE' MEME, DAAAAMN!!

And now we shall come to highlight of this album - Supermarket Flowers. That song is one roller-coaster of emotions. The song is supposedly about Ed's grandmother, whom he lost while he was making the album in the studio. That song is so sad, I was literally crying on the second line. It is heartwrenchingly sad and yet so beautiful, I couldn't handle it.

The only song I wasn't that fond of was Eraser, because I didn't think rapping suited Ed that much and also he sounded like twenty one pilots and I didn't think it was right for Ed Sheeran to sound like twenty one pilots.

But overall, I genuinely loved this album, and I found it better than Glory Days by Little Mix, which is saying a lot. It's definitely one of my all-time favourites, and I recommend it to everyone that actually chose to deal with me fangirling. (Thanks for doing that, I appreciate the effort you took.)

Little Miss Imperfect
X

Thanks for reading :)

I Am Trying Not to Overdo This Post (Valentine's Day Special)

Hello, World.

I AM BACK!

I'm sorry this post is late - I've been swamped under work as this is a really busy week for me and I have a Model United Nations conference tomorrow (and I don't even understand the topic. I'm so prepared for this.). I wanted to put up a post on Valentine's Day, however, I was rather stressed because I had numerous things to do. So here is this post now, please enjoy :)

Valentine's Day...was not a holiday I often enjoyed. Immediate connotations for me to this holiday included Single Ladies by Beyonce, various motivational Little Mix songs and sleepovers with my very favourite Person (see what I did there?) Though I never enjoyed the concept, I still decided to go ahead and value the people I love through cute messages every Valentine's Day, because well, why not?

But each time I saw people making a big deal over this holiday, there was an underlying annoyance that I felt about it because I never enjoyed feeling the self-hatred that would come with this day. I guess you could say I never understood the point of those mushy messages, constant hugging and kissing between couples, boxes of chocolates that probably no one would finish and flowers that would wilt anyway. I expected it to be the same this year - gazing in irritation and low-key jealousy at the couples together, while I listened to my only Valentine Sam Tsui while eating some horrible junk food and hating myself in general.

This year, of course, turned out to be the very opposite of my expectations. I expected to be that forever-alone soul yet again this Valentine's Day. But as difficult as this is to believe, I was not forever alone as I had finally found someone to spend this once disliked holiday with. Yes, readers, I have found what people would call a boyfriend. Who this is, I shall reveal much later on, but let me just tell you that this whole post is all for him.

(If you dislike overly-sappy and mushy messages, I advise you not to read this post. Despite all my efforts, I will still sound like a hopeless romantic.)

As I mentioned before, I had tonnes going on academically and extra-curricular wise. I really didn't think I would have the time to make any of my friends, or this special person, feel special. I was scared that others would give me gifts and I would have nothing to offer them in return. But I tried my best to be a good friend and show people I loved them. The best I could do with the limited time that I had the day before was to write out some sweet messages on handmade paper and give them to my friends. So I did just that.

The outcome was amazing. The longest message, was, obviously yet surprisingly, for the very person this post is dedicated to. Though we did not do anything special for Valentine's Day, I must say that it was amazing and also extremely different having the opportunity to spend that day with him. I definitely felt better about myself, not because I could 'fit in' with the crowd of couples, but just because having someone around was so much better than being alone.

That day, he gave me one of the sweetest messages I have ever read, that left me smiling for pretty much fifteen minutes because it was just so cute and I loved every single effort he had put into it. All I can say right now is that he pretty much made my day.

Dear Sadness (you know who you are), I am speechless. Thank you so much for being there and dealing with my puns and references, you're an amazing person. You've made this day and every day so much better, I'm so much happier with you. Please keep sending me memes and we will headbang to twenty one pilots together because THE FEEL :P You deserve to be happy, here's to more times together <3

Lots of love,
Little Miss Imperfect


P.S; Dear single people, I'm sorry if you were annoyed by this post. I tried to keep it as simple as possible, but please know that you're all amazing, strong and independent people and please don't wait for your Prince Charming because he might just be an idiot and might be stuck in a tree somewhere. So go seek him out, you'll find him/her one day and y'all deserve to be happy. Thanks for reading, happy belated Valentine's Day <3

Very Pertinent Questions

Hello, World.

Today I will introduce you to my brain, a living text-post that constantly whispers stupid puns, song and fandom references inside my head at very inappropriate times, often making me smile and laugh in class or any other social location because I'M JUST SO DAMN HILARIOUS.

Another thing that my brain is very good at is asking pertinent questions that make me question my life. These questions may or may not have an actual scientific or logical explanation, and I am going to share a few of them with you today. (If any reader actually has an answer to these questions, please state it in a way that does not make me look like more of an idiot than I already am for asking these questions. Thank you. *looks at Island and Person*)

Today I was contemplating human emotions, and I wondered why we have such a complicated tangle of emotions when we are attracted to a person. So much overthinking, so much sadness and pain and also happiness and excitement all because of another human being. Funnily enough, I was questioning emotions I had already felt because I AM REBEL (inside joke.). The pertinent question here was me wondering why animals do not face the same complicated tangle of emotions.

They're literally not jealous, not sad, just like "HEY LET'S HAVE KIDS IF ANYONE STEALS THIS BABY MACHINE I AM GOING TO KILL THEM BUT ONCE I HAVE HAD BABIES I DO NOT HAVE TOO MUCH TO DO WITH THIS ORGANISM YES GOODBYE." (There are exceptions don't scream at me.) (Remember what I said about my brain being a text-post? This is what I meant.) Also, why do animals not overthink like humans do? We have so many questions like "am I too clingy? Am I being creepy? Am I being weird? etc, etc, etc." But animals are so straightforward just like HELL YES GUYS LET'S DO THIS. Ah, if only we could be like animals life would be much easier.

This second question is related to a conversation I was having with Island yesterday. Why don't straight people ever come out? Why do LGBTQ+ people have to come out? Doesn't forcing them to come out enforce a belief that they are 'abnormal' or 'different'  from other people, which they aren't? Also, I don't understand the deal with being really teary and sad while coming out. It's not a bad thing, and it's definitely not something one should be sad about or ashamed of. That's exactly why I just love Sam's 'coming out' vlog. He was so jumpy, happy and just SO CUTE about it that we were all like OKAY YES, MAYBE I WAS CRUSHING ON YOU FOR LIKE 10 MONTHS, BUT YOU'RE HAPPY, AND THAT'S SO AMAZING, YOU ARE LITERALLY SO ADORABLE, BLESS YOUR SOUL.

Yet again, these are my thoughts and I'm not in the mood to have a debate over this with someone so if you have answers don't make me look dumber than I am and don't debate with me, please.

Thank you for reading about the antics of my brain. Muchas gracias.

Little Miss Imperfect
X 

Why Exactly Do I Do This To Myself? - Overthinking

Hello, World.

I wrote this post because right now I am kind of freaking out over what would seem to the world like the littlest thing ever but my very angsty brain obviously extrapolates it into something that makes the world seem like it's about to end and that all doom is about to befall me.

So as I sit here desperately trying to calm myself, I will write you this blog post about the way I overthink and overanalyze every little thing that happens.

As I mentioned, there is an event going on at my school this week. It is very interactive and hence we have been divided into these groups called 'barazzas' (Please don't ask me who invented that word, I don't know either.). So each group has two leaders, and I, being one of them, had to stay back today. I chose not to, but did not notify anyone. This obviously made my counterpart extremely irritated as a) she stayed back, and b) IB is hard AF, and she didn't appreciate that I wasn't there while she skipped work hours for me.  I understand her annoyance, of course. That obviously made me really scared, because I hate people getting annoyed with me, and especially really angry like that.

I also did quite a bit of work in figuring out what we were to discuss in our 'barazzas', but my counterpart did not agree with my topics and supposedly changed everything I had done. More overanalyzing and anxiety committed most beautifully by my brain, hurray! So there I was pretty much shaking because someone was pissed and did not agree with me. Yes. This is the cause for me freaking out, as my brain went ahead to ask the following questions:

Brain:  What if she hates me?
Me: Yeah, but I apologise -
Brain: What if she stays pissed at me?
Me: She probably won't, calm -
Brain: What if we don't  agree?
Me: We'll figure it out, it's -
Brain: OHYMGOD THIS IS NOT OKAY SHE HATES ME WHY WHY WE ARE GOING TO DIE O H NO   N O N O  W H   A T  W I  LL H A PP E N
Me: *freaks out with brain*

Yeah, I actually had a fun day and I did manage to ruin it for myself most wonderfully in this manner. And that, my friends, is how I overthink and freak out over nothing in particular. *bows*

Thanks for reading!

Little Miss Imperfect
X

P.S: Surprisingly, writing this out made me feel so much better. I don't feel half as freaked out as I was a few minutes ago. And sharing it with you somehow makes it all better :P 

I Have No Idea What I Actually Want to Say but I Haven't Put Up a Post in Ages

Hello, World!

GUESS WHO'S BACK????

MOI.

DID YOU MISS ME?

(I still make that reference I just finished Season 4 DON'T BLAME ME.)

Yes, I know. My first post for 2017 is extremely late. But what can I say except that my brain took three weeks to come up with this genius idea to put a random update onto my blog. (Good job, Brain. You're about as fast as Internet Explorer.)

I am very busy in life these days as there are various events going on at school that I am participating in (after having asked about five times.). Hence I am caught up with those. Also, I have a PSAT exam on Monday and I am supposed to be writing a Mini Extended Essay (Mini yet Extended - paradoxical much?), yet here I am writing you this very pointless blog post about nothing in particular. I have such wonderful priorities, now, don't I?

Also, I recently finished Sherlock Season 4. OH. MY. GOD. THAT. DAMN. SHOW. I have no idea what Moftiss actually wants with us, but I'm guessing it's somewhere in the hey-how-about-we-be-psychopaths-and-hurt-everyone zone. The number of deaths/almost-deaths in this series were overwhelming. Have a look at my Instagram account @__the.fangirl.life__ to see my reaction to the first episode (you might wonder if I forgot how to turn off the Caps Lock button. Don't worry, I still remember how to use lowercase letters.). I am still obsessing over the two songs from Ed Sheeran's new album 'Divide' because three covers of each of them came from Sam, Kurt, Madilyn and Alex last week, like OKAY, GUYS, CALM YOURSELVES.

My normal life is, as always, nothing worthy of being put into a movie or a Wattpad book, no incidents have shocked me or exhilarated me or saddened me enough to make me want to express my concerns here.

I did need to update after 2017 walked in, so here is this very pointless, themeless, annoying post that I hope to satisfy you with. (Looking back I realize that this entire post is filled with scores of redundant words that I refuse to delete. As is the sentence I wrote prior to this. And that one.)


Thanks for reading!

Little Miss Imperfect
X